My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
