you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
