I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
