I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
