my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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