giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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