There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
