You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
