I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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