Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
