No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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