So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The struggles of a small town man whore
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
