i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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