My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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