went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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