stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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