I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
