Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
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Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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