my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
