Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
