Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
