saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
