i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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