Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
