I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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