I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
