her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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