I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
