then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
