I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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