My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
