I can tuck mytits in my pants
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
