i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
