Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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