I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
