you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
