btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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