Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
