I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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