i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
