I hate your face
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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