This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
