This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I will pee on everything he values.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize