My friends, they love my intelligence
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The best revenge is premature balding
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
