That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
