Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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