I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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