Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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