Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
