Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We need to get me chipped asap
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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