you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
