Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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