Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
