The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
