at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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