it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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