she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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