saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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