apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
