You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Randomize
