remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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