not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
