Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
