Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
