I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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