She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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