My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
