the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
