Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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