I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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