great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
