Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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