2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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