So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
