can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
