I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
