I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
